Women’s Lives Matter
Say it loud. Say it proud. Say it now.
Today is “Day Without a Woman,” a day in which millions of Americans will wear red, support women-owned businesses, and even not go to work in an effort to empower women and showcase the impact women make at work and society.
The feminism I knew growing up was largely class-based: I was one of three kids in my mostly-white elementary school class to have a fulltime working mother and became highly disposed to embracing women in power precisely because it was rare in my privileged environment. And I thrived in a world in which my high school brought in Planned Parenthood to teach sex education and in which teen pregnancies — carried to term — were virtually non-existent.
My paternal grandmother re-entered the workforce in the late 1960s, during the second wave, in order to provide for her family and have a career of her own; she went on to become the vice president for sales at a textbook publishing firm. At the age of 81, she still sits on their board. My mother is a partner at a boutique entertainment litigation firm.
Both women made enormous sacrifices to achieve their professional aspirations. Both taught me and my sister that gender is no barrier to success. It’s the same feminism that liberated me as a child: My parents protected me from people who questioned pink being my favorite color and my decision to be Sally Ride for Halloween (instead of Neil Armstrong or John Glenn). Feminism created an environment where I was able to safely and confidently come out as gay.
But I have learned that feminism isn’t just about living our lives to our fullest potential: Sometimes it’s about having the right to live at all.
On June 15, 2013, my aunt Michelle was brutally stabbed to death by her estranged husband. Left behind were Michelle’s two young children, who were only six and two at the time of the tragedy.
Before she was killed, Michelle went to LAPD to report her murderer’s violation of his restraining order and to share with the cops a voicemail from him saying, “I need to feed the beast.” But, despite the fact that he had gone to her house and broken every first-floor window and literally threatened to kill her, the cops didn’t even bother to visit his apartment. It wasn’t long afterward that he found Michelle hiding from him at her friend’s home, chased into the street and fatally stabbed her 41 times.
I believe that if Michelle was a man, she would still be alive today.
To society at large, women’s lives are not valued the same as mine. Why else would it even be politically possible for a sitting president or members of Congress to even attempt to defund programs authorized by the Violence Against Women Act, including domestic violence shelters? Why else would husbands be allowed to sue wives for getting abortions? Why else would are so many sexual assault victims denied true justice in America? Why else would recent proposals to “reform” the Affordable Care Act seek to defund Planned Parenthood, making it harder for millions of women to access life-saving cancer screenings and reproductive health services?
The political and social dynamics get even worse when acknowledging the power of white privilege. Transwomen of color are still murdered at higher rates than virtually anyone else. While women on average make 79 cents for every dollar earned by a man, the numbers are at 65 cents and 58 cents for Black and Latina women, respectively. And even on this “Day Without a Woman,” there are far too many who couldn’t possibly take time away from work to protest when they have to keep roofs over their heads and provide for their loved ones.
I am angry that I have more rights over my body than my sister, mother and grandmothers in any part of this country. I am angry that if I called the police, they’re more likely to take me seriously because of my gender and the color of my skin. I am angry that on “Day Without a Woman,” there are countless women like my aunt who aren’t with us because of violence. And I’m angry that violence is tolerated.
In 2017, I find it absolutely ridiculous that to get others to realize the value of my aunt’s life, it requires me to leverage enormous privilege when there have been advocates for centuries seeking to humanize a group of people who make up half of humanity.
As many of us embrace our feminism today and every day, let’s remember this: Women’s Lives Matter.
